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- If you have obsessive-convulsive psychosis, press key 1 until a spasm appears. - If you have a split personality, press keys 2 and 3 at the same time. - If you have delusions of persecution, then we already know who you are, what you do in life and what you want, so stay on the line until we establish where you are calling from. - If you are hallucinating, press key 4 and you (and only you) will see an orange crocodile to your right. - If you are schizophrenic, ask an imaginary friend to press the 5 key for you. - If you have depression, then it doesn’t matter which key you press, it still won’t change anything, your case is hopeless, and nothing can be done to help you... - If you suffer from indecision, leave a message after the signal; or before the signal; or during the signal; in general, whatever you like best. - If you have pathological greed, then hang up immediately, as this is a toll call. - If you have low self-esteem, please call back later, since now all our operators are occupied by people more worthy than you.
