Guest
Buy the season 4 album here: Don't Be A Lawyer Starring Burl Moseley, Clark Moore Written by Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, & Adam Schlesinger Jim: TWENTY YEARS OLD, PRETTY SMART KID DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO DO SO I TOOK THE LSAT AND THEN, JUST LIKE THAT GOT ACCEPTED AT GLENDALE U EVERYONE SAID IT WAS A REAL SAFE BET A PRESTIGIOUS AND LUCRATIVE VOCATION SO I SET OUT ON A JOURNEY TO BECOME AN ATTORNEY WITHOUT A MOMENT’S HESITATION BUT HERE’S SOME FREE ADVICE I’M GIVING WHEN IT COMES TO DECIDING WHAT TO DO FOR A LIVING DON’T BE A LAWYER! DON’T DO IT, QUICKEST WAY TO RUIN YOUR LIFE DON’T BE A LAWYER! NOT WORTH IT, IT’LL LEAVE YOU DEAD INSIDE THE JOB IS INHERENTLY CRAPPY THAT’S WHY YOU’VE NEVER MET A LAWYER WHO’S HAPPY IT’S A GUARANTEED SOUL DESTROYER DON’T BE A LAWYER! LAW SCHOOL DEBT, DAILY REGRET IS THAT WHAT YOU DREAMED OF AS A KID? OR DID YOU HOPE ONE DAY THAT YOU’D FIND A WAY TO SPEND FOUR YEARS WORKING ON A PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY’S MERGER WITH ANOTHER PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY? YOUR ONLY EXPERTISE IS RUNNING UP FEES SPEAKING LEGALESE LIKE A DICK BUT IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO AVOID THIS FATE FIND ANY OTHER JOB TO PICK Jim & Students: SURE, YOUR PARENTS MIGHT THINK YOU’RE A FAILURE BUT NO ONE’S EVER SAID, “FIRST, LET’S KILL ALL THE TAILORS!” DON’T BE A LAWYER! Jim: I’M SERIOUS IT REALLY, REALLY SUCKS DON’T BE A LAWYER NO ONE YOU WORK WITH LOOKS LIKE ALLY MCBEAL THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER PROFESSIONS THAT DON’T TURN YOU INTO JEFF SESSIONS JUST SAY NO TO THE LAWYER EMPLOYER (NO!) DON’T BE A LAWYER! AJ: WHAT ABOUT HUMAN RIGHTS LAW? Jim: NO MONEY NO, NO MONEY AJ: ENVIRONMENTAL LAW? Jim: NO MONEY EVEN LESS MONEY AJ: IMMIGRATION LAW? Jim: NO MONEY PLUS IT’S A BUMMER AJ: WHAT IF, ONE DAY, YOU MAKE IT TO THE SUPREME COURT? Jim: IT’D BE GREAT TO BE ON THE SUPREME COURT BUT YOU’LL NEVER BE ON THE SUPREME COURT THERE’S TRULY NO CHANCE OF THAT HAPPENING! Lawyer: The preceding song in no way reflects the views of CBS and The CW network. Eh, screw it. Jim: SEE? DON’T BE A LAWYER!
