Реформирую английскую орфографию в прямом эфире

Ei waş ônly nine ìas óld. Ei labhed Shrėk(Shraik) sô matge, ei had ale v màqãdise nd mu̇fiε. Ei pree t Shraik aifry niht, thènkẽ hm fr v liphe ei haf bien ȝibhen. “Shraik iş labh” ei see, “Shraik iş liphe.” My diad hèez mi nd calĕz mi a/n phecgot. Ei cniu hi waş jaṡt jails əf my defôchon t Shraik. Ei calĕd hm n cãt. Hi hittez mi nd seẽdez mi t slíp Ei m crîẽ nû nd my phȧçe huṙts/ Ei lee in baid, rihly cóld. Ei phihl samthiñg warm... It iş Shraik! Ei waş sô hiapy Hi whiṡprez in my ia “Vis iş my swãp.“ Hi grebbez mi with hiş ȯgo hennε, nd puttez mi on my hennε nd cniĕs. Ei m raidy. Ei spreed my ess cieks fr Shraik. Hi pẽṭrȧtĕz my bat hȯle. It huṙtez sô matge, but ei dú it fr Shraik. Ei cn phihl my bat teã nd eys waatrẽ Ei wãṭ t plese Shraik. Hi rąez n mihty roa ṩ hi phillez my bat with hiş labh. My diad waalkez in. Shraik luckez hm sreht in vi ey nd seez, “It iş ale ȯgo nû.“ Shraik lefĕz ћru my winnů. Shraik iş labh. Shraik iş liphe.