Guest
BPD and Managing the Favorite Person Relationship Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: The first favorite person video link is added at the conclusion of this video. Relationships are central to all of us, but particularly to those along the BPD spectrum. This video is going to discuss the favorite person relationship and some of the inherent challenges and fears as well as provide some suggestions to help you manage the relationship with your favorite person. A favorite person is one or two people that you absolutely idolize and want to spend all your time with, this could be a family member, significant other, friend, therapist, etc. Many are sensitive about their favorite person. If your favorite person is busy and can’t spend time with you, you tend to get angry and feel abandoned. You’re on pins and needles to have access to them how, when, and to what degree you feel you need at that moment. Many people experience extreme jealousy, separation anxiety, approach and avoidance behaviors, intensive tracking and monitoring of their favorite person, and they may be overly apologetic to try and maintain the relationship. These behaviors often do the opposite of what you want, which is to keep the favorite person close but instead your favorite person feels pressured and may need or demand distance. How can you manage this relationship? Build your sense of self. Learn about what makes you – you. For example, kick everyone out of your brain and you answer these questions as you see it, not for anyone else – what’s your favorite food, favorite color, what helps you relax, what helps you feel good, what makes you proud of yourself? These are questions to help you start learning about yourself. If you don’t know the answer, take time and learn the answers. The food one is the best. I hate onions but love chocolate for example. Challenge your negative thoughts and assumptions of what that person is. In your mind you may see them as the end all, be all of all people, but he/she is just a person, like you. What can you do for yourself that you feel you must get from him/her? Your negative thoughts and assumptions tell you that you cannot do it alone, that’s false, challenge those distorted beliefs, and try doing more for you without the need for your favorite person. It may be scary at first, but it can be liberating in the end. Cost and benefit relationship analysis. Do an objective cost and benefit analysis of the relationship. What does he/she bring to the relationship? What do you bring to the relationship? What’s healthy, what’s unhealthy? What you get out of the relationship? These answers must be clear and concrete, they can’t be something like “he/she loves me like no one else”. Define this, what does this mean and what does it look like? Remember your value and that you matter in all relationships and what you want and need has value. I wish you well. Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence. He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of: The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children: The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (). YouTube: Dr. Fox’s website: Facebook: Twitter: LinkedIn: Instagram: Amazon Author’s Page: Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
