Asha ~ Until we meet again

Asha (aka Asha Elijah & Asher Quinn) sings 'Until we meet again' from his album “The Blessing & the Bliss“. CD & download available here ~ This is a song I wrote after accepting separation from my Hungarian muse and twin-flame. Her reasons for pulling away were and are mysterious, but it is not for me to question her motives. I trust her completely, and accept that it takes us closer to God, even if I don't fully understand why it had to be that way. I do and I don't, and that's the brew in the alchemical cauldron. It's not an easy love. We're both on a committed path where we aspire to purity of mind, body and spirit, and to bust through illusion and attachment. It's a sacrificial path; a Grail path. I felt we were everything to each other, and perhaps that was the problem. Early life wounding drew us together, and though there was much mutual healing through that, it was the necessary soul healing that pulled us apart ultimately, strange to say. I am reminded of the mythology of Lancelot and Guinevere, where Lancelot at first sacrificed his quest for the Holy Grail out of love for Guinevere, but then later came to renounce his decision, and re-commit to the Grail, separating from Guinevere. I feel that we've been together many times; in the ancient mystery schools; during the exodus; at the crucifixion of Christ; as Rosicrucians; in the last war... and the number 27 follows us around. The mystery of Golgotha where the Christ was crucified and resurrected seems completely central to our mutual reasons for being. It's as if the Grail journey leads to the Holy land, and yet the Holy land is an inner state of being. As a young man in my 20's I was initiated into the Sufi tradition, a mystical branch of Islam. My teacher Hazrat Inayat Khan, was a supremely gifted musician, and yet he came to renounce that love of music for an even greater love... he gave up music in order to love God. Why can we not have both? Perhaps some can, but our guidance is very personal, and when we hear our calling clearly we cannot turn away. It would be a lie. We spent 7 years and 7 days together in spirit exactly, she and I, as if in a fairy-tale, and much was accomplished by being together in that way. But even more is accomplished by being apart. Soul-mates there are, but twin-flames are deeper... twin-flames have a task for humanity somehow, whereas soul-mates have a task for each other. We may not even know what our task for humanity is or see the effects in the material world, and it may take many lifetimes to realise, but transcending the earthly attachment is a supreme task. We lived in different countries, and had different responsibilities, but we met often and were increasingly together physically when the end came. It broke my heart, but I cannot speak for her. I got pneumonia twice through grief and broke the ribs that covered my heart, by accident. I had to re-trace every step we took together over those 7 years, and separate myself out from those experiences in order to retrieve my soul. At first it was a gentle separation, but increasingly she came to feel that we should have no contact at all. Although we kept bumping into each other by chance (on buses, in restaurants etc) she decided on a policy of no active recognition. This is particularly hard because it brought up so much shame, as if I felt I'd done something so very wrong by continuing to love her, when she chose to ignore me. This song... one of many around the twin-flame theme... provides a healing and a sanctuary for me as I continue to retrieve my soul, bust through illusion and try to transcend attachment. And yet my heart pounds and my tummy continues to lurch if I even catch sight of her shadow. I've never known such an intense sense of connection, and yet it is one denied to me. It endures, even more than 4 years after the split. Sometimes I think I'm crazy or deluded; other times melodramatic... and yet just when I feel the impulse to give it all up as a lost cause (as if I could ever know how to) little signs come, telling me to keep on going, and live through the pain. I accept that she may never speak to me again in this lifetime, and I ask for nothing from her. The love I experience is unconditional, and it goes way beyond the flesh and time and space. The whole issue feels like such an interwoven matrix of learnings. The thing I realise the most is that I 'practice' real love with her, whether it is reciprocated or not. I know that this love is a dress rehearsal for loving God. It teaches me everything about faith, acceptance and surrendering to the higher will without grievance, cynicism or fatalism. And what greater love could there be than that? When I realise this, I realise that she loves me so much that she is willing to give me the pain I need by sacrificing our love, so that I can strengthen my faith in the unseen world. There is no higher love than that.