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the return of the queen GO PLAY ON THE MAP RN GO GO GO(watch the video first tho hmmmghr) praise me with kind words or else ok so HELLLLOOOOOOO I missed you guys so much y’all have no idea… this project ate me alive and I’ve cried way too many times bc of it :3 I still don’t feel it’s good enough compared to the wonderful creative people in the building channel in my discord server but I guess all YouTuber’s have this one specific style that’s so… hm Idk how to explain but please promise me you understand. its like. its pretty good but not overly detailed its like its marketable. default. hnnghr gonna be ranting a ton ahout my feelings here so ye enjoy throughout this whole project I kept thinking to myself why did they pick me. was I their first option to do this or their last ? I honestly could not figure it out. Did nobody else want to do this? surely there are better builders with better time management skills, other yters and - I dont know man this whole thing made me want to rip my flesh off but thats only because I should’ve kms awhile ago I’m so grateful to everyone who helped me - I’m sure Alice was so tired of me being an idiot and I’m so lucky to have a friend like cora who put in a lot of work to make the map special . sometimes she really pisses me off like rn im so mad at her and like. i dont want to lose someone like her again. i know i could always react softer, not take everything to heart. but it sucks genuinely communicating your feelings and them to still not understand, to not understand what you want from them. i love her dearly and i know i dont deserve her but my stupid self will not settle when I believe in my heart i am right. these past 7 months have been so bad. I have never been this sick before in my life, my whole dresser is full of meds and shit, have missed so much of school which resulted in me getting behind and then that heavily impacting my mental health found a lot of stuff that i really enjoy, made friends that didnt last too long, but it was fun while it lasted. i always wish for more friends, but i know i am at fault for not really trying to keep anything. its so exhausting. i dont connect with many people anyway. I think a lot of people arent that great either one of the first little “landmarks” or a little lore element that I added to the map was a gravestone. yknow, a dark yet sad, mysterious area. decoration. its funny. its funny how an area like that became one of the last things I edited on the map. my sweet boy(dog) passed away may 14th and it crushed me. i love him so much and i wish i could’ve pet him one last time. its cruel how they just take them away from you like that. i know he was hurting, quietly suffering day to day, slowly losing movement. the doctors said he probably had a tumour which lead to his epilepsy attack. I know he is in a better place now, not hurting. and that makes me happy, but i miss him so much. I hope he knows how much i loved him. I dont think anyone ever forgets their 1st pet. i got to make a little remembrance area on the map. you can find his gravestone on the right mountain. I could talk all day about my little guy but i am already in tears. rest in peace Stich there is so much i could talk about but i cant find the words for it all. may is such a beautiful month. so much goes and so much blooms. may is the month my mom’s dad and Stich passed away, its when school ends and everyone is awfully stressed. but its also when my mom was born, her and my sister’s name day and the month I created this channel. its when all that year’s stress get’s rewarded with a sweet summer. to be honest, I’ve lost a lot of passion for pony town, it seems rather boring to me. I want to keep making videos because I enjoy the experience and the love I get for them. it hurts to know that this channel will actually be “dead” someday, but i’m too scared to accept that right now. i made my channel to be the safe space i needed when things were rough, the home i wished i could have. I hope i can improve on my skills and do this as my job someday. either way i will always remember this channel as a dear place in my heart i cant think rn so im gonna call it a night, thank you so much for everything and if anyone actually read this description, thank you for listening to me -lav
