But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.

I've been thinking about you. Last night I went to meet you, and you weren't there. I wish I knew why. I felt so foolish. And as I waited, someone else showed up. A man who has made my professional life a misery. And an amazing thing happened. I was able, for the first time to say the exact thing I wanted to say at the exact moment I wanted to say it. And of course, afterwards I felt terrible just as you said I would. I was cruel, and I'm never cruel. Though I hardly believe what I said mattered to this man. To him, I am just a bug to be crushed. But what if it did? No matter what he's done to me, there is no excuse for my behavior. Anyway I so wanted to talk to you. I hope you have a good reason for not being there last night. You don't seem like the kind of person who'd do something like that. The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something.