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.....Am I ever going to make a video that's not a vent? (Besides MEP parts.) First off, don't turn away just because this is all Ben 10 Omniverse. I respect if you don't like it, please respect the time I took to make this video. (Altho, it only took me like less than 24 hours to make, but not the point.) If you respect me as an editor, you should respect my work regardless of the media. Anywho, had to say that because some people may be like that since I haven't worked with strictly Omniverse in such a long time. I kinda threw some Ben x Rook there but it's subtle. Vent: *Like the song, this has some swears. Never said I was a family friendly editor. Trigger warning for self harm/suicidal thoughts.* Holy. Fucking. Shit. This fucking week. Okay so first it started with not being invited to, what I thought was, a good friend's graduation party. I actually thought we were closer than just causal friends who see each other at Crew/events. Apparently I was wrong in thinking that. I guess I'm just the girl he uses to make him laugh at his jokes. I can't just ask about it because I'd just be fishing for an invite like how my ex tried to do with my girl friend. I assumed I wasn't invited last crew meeting when he talked about it with someone else. It's on Sunday, so he'd have his invites out already. (My cousin tried saying he just didn't get the chance to invite me.) The next morning I slept in until about 2:30pm. (When I only went to bed at 1am, even still I never sleep in that long.) My father woke me up because he thought something was wrong with me. Next thing. On Tuesday a fellow crew member posted about the lockin, we were supposed to have, asking who can make it. My sister, and the other girl in the group couldn't make it. One of the leaders pointed out that there needed to be a female leader in order for me to spend the night. For a while I thought I was going to be fucked over and not be able to spend the night. Yesterday that leader posted that the Flag Retirement, the reason we have the lock in, was postponed and moved to the 23rd. There was a poll in the group if we should move the lock in. Ultimately it was moved. So hey I guess I didn't need to feel bad about it at all. :) Another thing happened on Tuesday. My stepdad called me at about 10:30pm. He talked to me and told me that him and my mother are planning on moving to North Carolina the second week of August. He explained how she wants to move to have a fresh start, and how it would be better for her. He told me how my oldest brother was upset about it and glad I was okay with it. No, I understand why you guys are moving but I'm not okay with it. Like I honestly get why they have to move. It's cheaper and it'll help my mother. But literally telling me this not even a week after I finished high school? Then telling me that once you guys move, you want to see me at least once a year. I spent half the night crying, well I would've if my grandma didn't go up to bed right after I did. Originally my plan was to maybe live with them for college since they lived so close to where I'm attended. (I said maybe because I didn't figure it out yet.) Now I guess I don't have to make that choice anymore. Going to that fucking college is going to kill me because they live in that town. My stepdad said that once I get done with community college I can go down there for the rest of my college years. I'm sorry, but I have friends here. Do you not understand how hard it is to make friends? Do you not get that I'd have to start over? That shit is hard. I can't just pack up my shit and move states. He also said that he may try and get my oldest brother down there. No. Don't you fucking dare. Don't you fucking dare take away one of my siblings. Bad enough I won't see my mom once they move, but I will not fucking not see my oldest brother. (I am the youngest, so I have no say.) I actually was telling the girls I hang out with about them moving. One was like, “Oh you can go and visit them.“ ...No shit Sherlock. I wasn't asking for a solution. Then she went back to talking about her not-boyfriend. Like 'I know I'm not the center of the universe', but this is the kind of shit that makes me want to kill myself. I probably would've tried OD'ing again if I had the pills here. I'm practically out of Tylenol and I'm out of Aleve. And I'm not fucking around with my grandma's and dad's pills. (There's still some smartness in my head not to mess with shit I don't know.) Doesn't stop me from cutting my shoulders though. At this point I'm questioning if I'm ever going to have anything good happen. All this shit is piling up at once. It's 'so much more than I can carry'. But seriously, 'why is everything so heavy?' ....It's rhetorical so don't bother answering. Thanks for reading I guess. Idk.
